


Assassins Don’t Bake

by codenamezinc



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Gen, and by everyone I mean MCU and MAOS characters, and nat is baking, because cake is awesome, everyone is in avengers tower
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-04
Updated: 2015-01-04
Packaged: 2018-03-05 06:26:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3109448
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/codenamezinc/pseuds/codenamezinc
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Natasha bakes, Darcy is skeptical, and Fitz-Simmons eats cake. (Because really, why wouldn’t you want to give Fitz-Simmons delicious cake?!?! Darcy thinks this is perfectly sound logic.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Assassins Don’t Bake

“Natasha?” Darcy leaned over the counter to get a better look at… whatever it was Natasha was baking. She had just finished adding warm honey to an egg mixture and now she was stirring in flour. The fuck was even happening? It looked weird. And sticky. Weirdly sticky? That’s a thing, right?

“Yes?” Natasha added some more flour to the bowl. The dough (did that mass even qualify as dough?) looked painful to stir. Darcy was even more confused. Was this how baked goods normally worked? Darcy was generally not allowed near kitchens. Bad things happened. Fires, usually. 

“You’re baking. Why are you baking?”

“I want cake. And I make a damn good medovik.”

“Med-what?” Natasha slapped Darcy’s hand away from the mixing bowl. 

“Russian honey cake.” Natasha checked the recipe. Darcy tried to read it over Natasha’s shoulder, but it was in Russian. Damn. Natasha put some oil on a knife and divided the dough into four parts. Seriously. What. The. Fuck. Was happening?

“Okay.” Darcy dragged out the word. “Why is a deadly assassin baking? Are you secretly all about the warm, fuzzy cuddles and you’ve just been holding out on me?”

Natasha laughed. “I probably shouldn’t tell you that I originally learned to cook to hide poison in food.”

“No. No, you should keep that information to yourself. Never tell anyone. Actually, maybe they should know. Get some antidotes ready. At least let me find a taste tester before I eat that ridiculously sticky- how is that going to become a cake?” Darcy climbed onto the counter to inspect it more closely. 

Nat shrugged. “It works. Somehow.” She put on plastic gloves, grabbed one of the dough balls and started to roll it out. 

“I’m not so sure about that. That is- are baked goods supposed to do that? I feel like I should get Jane to witness this because science. Maybe Fitz-Simmons too. They’d like this. Great. Now I have this overwhelming urge to feed Fitz-Simmons cake.”

“We can do that. A whole medovik is hard to finish by yourself.”

“Sweet. You’re the best.”

Darcy hopped off the counter. “Hey, JARVIS. Can you tell Fitz-Simmons Nat is baking them cake?”

There was a pause. “I am not sure they will come if I tell them that.”

“Why not?” Darcy put her hands on her hips and gave JARVIS her best indignant outrage face. 

“Well, I am not sure I should-“

“Aw, c’mon JARVIS. Just spit it out.”

“Well, they are quite afraid of Ms. Romanoff.” 

Natasha rolled her eyes.

“Oh, c’mon, you’re kinda scary to people who don’t know you. And they’re kinda timid. Of course they’re afraid.” And that’s when Darcy had a brilliant idea. “JARVIS, tell them I made it.”

“That is a lie, Ms. Lewis. One that no one will believe.”

Natasha didn’t even bother to hide her snort of laughter. 

“You don’t know that, JARVIS.”

“I seem to remember a certain incident that resulted in a rather large kitchen fire and a building-wide evacuation of Avengers Tower.”

Darcy pouted. “Fine. You win. Just tell them there’s cake.”

“Very well, Ms. Lewis.”

—

A few hours later, Darcy was licking the icing bowl while Nat did the rest of the dishes. Fitz and Simmons came into the kitchen, talking animatedly about something sciencey Darcy could barely follow. And she was used to high-level science talk that went over most people’s heads. These guys were some next-level geniuses. 

“Hey guys!”

“Darcy. Hi! JARVIS said there was cake.” Jemma looked around nervously when she spotted Natasha at the sink. 

“Yup. Med- it’s Russian honey cake. Really good. At least I think it is. Natasha made it and she said it’s good.” The look on Fitz’s face quickly turned horrified. “Don’t worry. It’s not poisoned. I helped.”

Natasha snorted. 

“OK. Fine. I sat here and watched and marveled at how something so sticky and hard to work with magically turned into a supposedly delectable baked good.” 

“Why did you make us honey cake?” Fitz sounded overly cautious. 

“Because it’s good. Darcy was the one who wanted to feed you two cake. And I can’t finish it by myself.”

“Let’s just eat and stop questioning everyone’s motives, ok, Fitz?“ Jemma patted him on the shoulder. 

Natasha cut the cake. Darcy declared herself taste-tester because she couldn’t resist messing with Fitz-Simmons a bit more. Nat gave her a “stop it” glare that Darcy pointedly ignored. She took a huge bite. “Whelp. Doesn’t taste like almonds.”

Fitz’s eyes bugged out. Jemma looked suspiciously at the piece of cake on her fork. 

“Can we please not make poisoned food jokes?” Jemma asked. 

“OK. Fine. Spoilsports.” Darcy stuck her tongue out at Jemma and Fitz. 

Natasha grabbed Darcy’s plate. “Apologize.”

Darcy frowned and made grabby hands. “No.” Natasha moved towards the garbage can. “OK fine. I’m sorry for teasing you.’’

“Thank you.”

“Apology accepted.”

Natasha gave Darcy her cake back and sat down to eat her own piece. 

“Y’know who else we should feed cake to?”

Natasha’s facial expression clearly said, “I doubt your ability to make sane judgments on who needs cake.” Darcy was getting good at ignoring Natasha’s expressions of disapproval. 

“Bruce likes cake.”

Nat sighed. Fitz and Simmons looked like they were probably starting to fear Darcy more than Natasha. 

“You make food poisoning jokes at your own peril,” Natasha told Darcy. “I am not responsible if he Hulks out.”

“Deal. Hey, JARVIS.”

“Yes, Ms. Lewis?”

“I need you to ask Bruce something…”


End file.
